lies my parents told me…

PINOCCHIOyour parents lied to you. i’m sorry if you’re sobbing now, but they did. as i’m raising my own child, who is now three, i have multitudes of time to reflect on what my parents told me or would have told me in any given situation. i think we all have those moments.

now, i grew up in an über -sheltered household (read: i never saw a movie that had a rating of PG-13 or higher until i was 18). god this is going to be embarrassing. ANYWHO, my sister and i watched a million cartoons like any other child. LOTS of cartoons. good cartoons though, like Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny, Tom and Jerry, stuff like that… now whenever someone was in LOVE on a cartoon, you always seen those little hearts appear out of nowhere and they’d start batting their eyelashes like crazy. my mom used to tell us that this was “flirting”. when i asked her specifically, which part of that was flirting, she showed me by batting her eyelashes and making the most bizarre googly eyes i have ever seen. i trusted my mom on this. in the third grade… i went to this guy i liked and started batting my eyelashes at him, probably looking like i had come sort of disorder. He gave me the most bizarre look, laughed, and ran away. I got home and looked it up in the dictionary (no, at the time there was no “googling” the meaning for everything, i actually had to get a papercut and look up the word using a REAL dictionary – WOW was it worth it.).

flirt (flûrt)PEPE LE PEU
v. flirt·ed, flirt·ing, flirts

v. intr.

  1. To make playfully romantic or sexual overtures.
  2. Flirting is a form of human interaction, usually expressing a sexual or romantic interest in the other person. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.

Seriously, i then knew why he laughed at me. I then proceeded down the stairs to scold my mother for lying to me. That was really just ONE of the times when she lied about something stupid and i took what she said outside of our little deranged and deceitful household.

Other popular lies my parents told me:

  • vaseline/lotion cures all invisible boo-boos immediatelyVASELINE
  • that makeup makes me ugly
  • swallowed gum stays in your stomach for 7 years – SO not true! my stomach should explode by now, because of the quantity i’ve managed to swallow while in school
  • the black watermelon seeds will cause a watermelon vine to grow in your stomach
  • crossing your eyes and sneezing will cause them to stay like that
  • my dad used to tell me that if i kept so many blankets on me all the time, i’d grow worms. i’m proud to say that i’m worm-free to this day!

hooters logoI guess i just never understood why they lied to us about stupid little things. i make it a point to tell my son the truth all the time, even though he’s three – he asked once what HOOTERS were, after driving by one day. I told him they were boobs. he just laughed. later that night at dinner with my mom (the super conservative) and my dad (the man that acts like nothing’s ever funny or amusing), i started conversation and asked my son what he did today. he said to my parents, “i like hooters. granny [my mom], you have a REALLY nice hooters.” i was in tears, and i couldn’t even bring myself up off the floor to tell him to stop. my mom turned red and ran out of the room. my dad, believe it or not, seemed like he was ready to piss his pants he was laughing so hard. all he sad through his wheezing laughter was “yes, she does”.

see – being honest with kids is FUN. lol. i know i sure as hell won’t lie to my son about anything, i don’t believe in sugar-coating.

ps. I DID get a piece of good advice from my dad, which i have learned, is no lie – in regards to letting your gas pass as a belch rather than, well…. gas. “it’s better to belch and taste it than fart and waste it.” right on dad, right on.

end ramblings. i know this doesn’t make sense, and is jumbled up – i’m multi-tasking at work now and i can’t think straight. hopefully the next post will be a little more connected. 🙂


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~ by Kris on January 3, 2008.

7 Responses to “lies my parents told me…”

  1. Lol…

  2. Okay, I just laughed out loud. This was hilarious! Your son sounds sooooo adorable, and you sound like a fantastic mom!

    Okay, I lied to my son. I filled a spray bottle with water and told him it was Monster Spray. A few squirts around the room, and POOF! All monsters instantly vanished.

    I feel so guilty.

  3. LOL at the story. I have used lotion on my oldest invisible “boo boo’s” though. (Although it didn’t work when be broke his arm).

    And Moonbeam, I saw that tip in a parenting magazine a few years ago, so don’t feel bad. (I tried to use it on my son, and it didn’t work)

  4. @ Moonbeam: Monster spray is nothing to feel guilty about. I’ve never used it but it seems like it might be a good idea – granted he never sprayed his friends with it. haha. don’t feel bad.

    my son once came up telling me there was a hippo in his room. when i asked him where hippos like to live, he furrowed his brow and refused to look at me while he replied “in the water”. needless to say, we’ve never had hippo problems since.

    @ Alyson: sorry the lotion didn’t work on the broken arm. it would be nice if that stuff DID work for real boo-boos, less time and money spent on the ER and doctors visits!

  5. teehee. my parents actually told me the same thing about swallowing gum and eating watermelon seeds. parents are alll the same arent they? lol

  6. =D

    I honestly can’t remember anything major my parents lied to me about. (Oh, yeah, dad told me two months ago he would help pay for college, and then the week before tuition is due he took it back…)

    I agree that being honest with kids is way more fun. The smarter kids are as kids, the less fucked up they’ll be as adults. That’s my non-parent parenting advice. 😛

  7. @Zombie: I was told that while growing up.. although when i came of age to go to college. “NO, we said you HAVE to go…. we’re not paying for it though”. ugh. bummer.

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